The Accident: Part 1

Two years ago today my family's lives changed forever.  My husband was nearly killed in a car wreck that he shouldn't have walked away from.  So much has happened since that frightful night, and God has revealed Himself to us in so many amazing ways.

This is the husband I found in the ICU when I flew home two years ago today.

I have much to share, but for now I give you the words I wrote the morning after - I posted this on my now-defunct blog the morning of September 17th, 2010.

Worst.Night.Of.My.Life
(originally published at Amaretto Vineyard 9/17/10)

I have seen some pretty rough times.  And for the past nine years, my beloved husband has been my rock, always steady by my side and there to carry me through when I could not carry myself.  Today, those roles are reversed, and I don't have much experience in the rock business.

Just 24 hours ago I was trying to squeeze in the last few ounces of sleep before flying off to Minnesota to work ScrapFest.  Brianna couldn't sleep and got into a pot of red lipstick, smearing a dastardly work of art over her four bedroom walls, her carpet and her beautiful little face.  First thing in the morning, I crossly scoured away the evidence and hurriedly packed my bags for the afternoon flight.

My grandmother drove me to the airport, but as I wandered past my own car my eyes focused on a small rust spot on the driver's side door.  My mind raced momentarily with plans for the future - the trip, our move, and that rust spot.  As soon as we moved into the new house, Tony planned to fix up that rust spot in our new garage.

Now the rust spot sits in a city impound lot, just another blemish on a heap of twisted metal and gasoline.  And my beloved husband, the love of my life, my rock, lies helpless in an ICU bed.

Fast-forward to now, 4:32 am: By the grace of God I was able to catch a flight right home and I flew back into KCI just a few hours after landing in Minneapolis.  I rocked between waves of numbness and prayer the entire flight home, and took comfort from the words of the song Praise You In This Storm

He is in pretty bad shape, and we don't know the details of the accident because he is unable to communicate with us yet.  We don't even know the full extent of his injuries because doctors were not able to take clear X-Rays or CT scans yesterday.

This has by far been the worst night of my life.  Not because I don't trust God to bring us through this trial, or because I am stuck in this confounded hospital room unable to do anything but wait and pray... but because I am not a rock.  I am the moss that clings to the rock, but never the rock itself.  My rock needs me to be his rock, and I'm not sure I am ready to fill those shoes.  So for now, I lift my hands and give it up to the ultimate Rock.  "And though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm".

✝ Lyrics to Casting Crowns' Praise You In this Storm ✝

I was sure by now

God, You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
✝

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with You"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away
✝

CHORUS

I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

Every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm
✝

I remember when

I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry

You raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You
✝

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with You"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away
✝

CHORUS
✝

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of Heaven and Earth

(repeat)
✝

CHORUS
✝

Though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm